How To Overcome Your Fear Of Being Judged

Have you ever watched children dancing, playing, or singing? If you have, one thing you might have noticed is that they are completely immersed in the activity. They are enjoying themselves, and not worrying about who is watching.

This is something we love about children but don’t embrace as adults. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, the knowledge that someone may be watching and judging creeps in, and we begin to lose that ability to say yes to life without fear.

This fear of judgement comes from wanting to be liked, and not wanting to feel unworthy. Learning how to overcome your fear of being judged isn’t impossible.

Follow these tips to start living your life free from the constraints of judgement.

1. Pay attention to what you judge and why. 

Many of us don’t realise it, but not only do we feel judged, we also judge. By having a better understanding of why you judge, you will also change your perception of the scenario when you feel judged.

Have you ever seen someone and thought “What are they wearing?”

Or maybe you’ve seen someone walking down the street and singing and wondered what was wrong with them.

The next time a thought like that creeps in, stop and think about what you are thinking. Pay attention to what you judge and why.  If you judge what people wear, are you self-conscious of your own clothes? If you judge someone for singing or dancing, do you secretly wish you could be more uninhibited?

 

2. Be curious instead of judgemental.

When you find yourself judging someone, be curious instead.

Think “That’s an interesting shirt. I wonder why they chose it?”  Or find a positive statement to replace the judgemental one.

In the case of someone singing, “That person is in a good mood!” By shifting into this mindset yourself, you are also working towards changing your feelings when you find yourself feeling judged.

 

3. Focus on your experience, not their judgement.

Are all eyes on you when you are wearing a new outfit for the first time? Focus on how you feel  – you feel good in our new outfit.  Are you giving a big speech? Focus on your message. This is another mental shift you can make to take the emphasis off of your fear of being judged, and putting it back on your experience.

 

4. Say YES to life.

Your fear of judgement is strengthened every time you say no to something because you don’t want to be judged. Say yes instead!

This is like a muscle that needs to be exercised. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Find a group of like-minded friends and do something you are afraid to do together.

 

5. Say no to gossip.

Gossip is a form of judgement. By engaging in it you are opening yourself to being the subject of it. Diffuse conversations that become gossipy. Stopping the judgement of others will help you to feel better about yourself!

 

6. Give others a boost.

When we lift up others, we lift ourselves. If you notice someone else seems insecure pay them a compliment.

 

About the author

Jacqueline Akakpo

Jacqueline believes that individuals have the power to make an enormous difference and is passionate about helping people achieve their potential. She had a varied career which includes working as a trainer, marketing professional and civil engineer. She has worked in the UK, Spain and Ghana. She is the founder of www.alessordinarylife.com

6 Comments

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  • I think I really stopped judging anyone once I left high school (I’m now 41), and a lot of it was due to me becoming a mother at a young age, 19. I wanted to be the best mom out there and prove that not all young parents are unfit. So my preoccupation to disprove society left me no room to judge anyone. And I can happily say I’ve raised my daughters to be the same way, though sadly they’ve met some kids who weren’t raised that way. And as a result, they are easily hurt by it, though my older ones have toughened up a little. We can’t control others’ behaviors…..but what we, as individuals, can do is strive to better this world, not just for ourselves, but others. It takes just one.

    • You say that you “wanted to prove that not all young parents are unfit”; sounds like you did not want to be judged based on stereotypical viewpoint. Your life situation taught you not to judge. Glad to hear you have passed this on to your kids.

  • Thanks Jac.
    There are times that I feel I’m being watched and judged…..
    I choose to focus on my experience in the moment I’m in.
    I also choose not to judge to stop me from feeling I’m being judged.

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